Learn from my mistake - GOT BOUNDARIES?

In a few weeks, I will be turning the big 40!!!  I laugh as I think about turning 40 years old, because it truly seems like yesterday I was celebrating my 21st birthday.

As I look back on the last decade (gosh that sounds like something an old person would say - lol), two words come to mind - HARD WORK.  God got my attention in my 30s that I was lacking something very important, and He allowed me to walk through some icky times in order for me to finally see what was missing.

About 5 years ago, I was introduced and taught a new word - "boundaries."  I had no clue what this word meant as far as relationships were concerned.  My life at this time was an open field with people coming in and out.  I allowed others control as to how they treated me and talked to me.  My life without boundaries = chaos, disorderly living, and zero confidence in myself.  I allowed other people control over my life.  For example, if someone said "jump," and I really didn't want to jump, I'd jump just so I wouldn't ruffle any feathers, or I'd give every excuse why I didn't want to jump and attach apologizes to every excuse.  I had zero boundaries - no lines distinguishing where people needed to stop and let me be ME.

Let me just tell you - this way of living was exhausting!!  I had no clue who I was or what I wanted because I let fear of what others wanted of me drive who I was.  I had very little confidence in myself, and I was afraid to simply say, "NO."

I found the help and support that I needed through a Christian counselor.  (That's right - counseling!  I am so unashamed of my counseling experiences.)  My Godly mentor recommended that I read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  This book rattled my mind and convicted me of how I'd "allowed" people to rob me of my personal freedoms.  I've never highlighted so much information in a book.  As I read Boundaries, I saw myself in so many of the examples of what NOT to do.  Initially, I felt ashamed.  Then the shame slowly turned into a drive/determination to take back what I had been robbed of for sooooo long - FREEDOM TO BE ME AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF.  (Everyone knows that you don't mess with a woman on a mission.)

I had lived without boundaries in my life for 35 years, so I questioned whether or not I could establish them at all.  You see, boundaries are like standing in the middle of a hula hoop - the hula hoop represents your property lines.  My mentor taught me that God created us to have healthy lines between our friends, family, neighbors, and the rest of the world.  I learned that my hula hoop only should consist of me, my husband, and my kids.  As a grown woman/mom I had allowed people inside my hula hoop with my immediate family for fear reasons - I couldn't say, "NO."

I quickly learned that people with boundaries can be interpreted as being rude or insensitive.  I also recognized that those people who misinterpret are generally without boundaries in their own lives.

As my eyes were open for my need of boundaries, I became more and more determined to live a life of freedom that only comes from God.  With three children needing a positive Godly role model - I had to get this right  not only for myself but for them.

God is all about order and boundaries not chaos and dysfunction.  I'm sharing Bill Gaultiere's examples of biblical boundaries.

Jesus Taught us Examples of how to be Setting Boundaries

• Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).

• Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).

• Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).

• Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).

• Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ’I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “’The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).

If you are reading this and you can identify with not having any boundaries in your life, then I pray that God will open up your heart to change and begin to live a life that reflects His peace and confidence.