Learn from my mistake - GOT BOUNDARIES?

In a few weeks, I will be turning the big 40!!!  I laugh as I think about turning 40 years old, because it truly seems like yesterday I was celebrating my 21st birthday.

As I look back on the last decade (gosh that sounds like something an old person would say - lol), two words come to mind - HARD WORK.  God got my attention in my 30s that I was lacking something very important, and He allowed me to walk through some icky times in order for me to finally see what was missing.

About 5 years ago, I was introduced and taught a new word - "boundaries."  I had no clue what this word meant as far as relationships were concerned.  My life at this time was an open field with people coming in and out.  I allowed others control as to how they treated me and talked to me.  My life without boundaries = chaos, disorderly living, and zero confidence in myself.  I allowed other people control over my life.  For example, if someone said "jump," and I really didn't want to jump, I'd jump just so I wouldn't ruffle any feathers, or I'd give every excuse why I didn't want to jump and attach apologizes to every excuse.  I had zero boundaries - no lines distinguishing where people needed to stop and let me be ME.

Let me just tell you - this way of living was exhausting!!  I had no clue who I was or what I wanted because I let fear of what others wanted of me drive who I was.  I had very little confidence in myself, and I was afraid to simply say, "NO."

I found the help and support that I needed through a Christian counselor.  (That's right - counseling!  I am so unashamed of my counseling experiences.)  My Godly mentor recommended that I read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  This book rattled my mind and convicted me of how I'd "allowed" people to rob me of my personal freedoms.  I've never highlighted so much information in a book.  As I read Boundaries, I saw myself in so many of the examples of what NOT to do.  Initially, I felt ashamed.  Then the shame slowly turned into a drive/determination to take back what I had been robbed of for sooooo long - FREEDOM TO BE ME AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF.  (Everyone knows that you don't mess with a woman on a mission.)

I had lived without boundaries in my life for 35 years, so I questioned whether or not I could establish them at all.  You see, boundaries are like standing in the middle of a hula hoop - the hula hoop represents your property lines.  My mentor taught me that God created us to have healthy lines between our friends, family, neighbors, and the rest of the world.  I learned that my hula hoop only should consist of me, my husband, and my kids.  As a grown woman/mom I had allowed people inside my hula hoop with my immediate family for fear reasons - I couldn't say, "NO."

I quickly learned that people with boundaries can be interpreted as being rude or insensitive.  I also recognized that those people who misinterpret are generally without boundaries in their own lives.

As my eyes were open for my need of boundaries, I became more and more determined to live a life of freedom that only comes from God.  With three children needing a positive Godly role model - I had to get this right  not only for myself but for them.

God is all about order and boundaries not chaos and dysfunction.  I'm sharing Bill Gaultiere's examples of biblical boundaries.

Jesus Taught us Examples of how to be Setting Boundaries

• Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).

• Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).

• Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).

• Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).

• Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ’I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “’The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).

If you are reading this and you can identify with not having any boundaries in your life, then I pray that God will open up your heart to change and begin to live a life that reflects His peace and confidence.

Look Skinner without Dieting

I'm sorry if you are reading this post hoping for the answer on how to look skinner without dieting.  I don't have a clue.  I read this title on a magazine earlier this week at a doctor's office, and  when I saw the title, I laughed, because this is exactly how we live our lives.  We want a "quick/temporary fix" for our problems/issues.  We don't want to do the hard work involved to actually fix the problems.  We like to skip over the hard part and pretend that we are something that we are not.  It's like an optical illusion.  Facing the core reason for our problems/issues could cause us pain, discomfort, or changes in the way we do/see things. It's easier to ignore the issues and "suit up" in a false security and parade around so that others only see our "good" side, but deep down we are a mess.  Simply, we like to play pretend.

After a while, this type of living gets old!!  We rob our own selves of  peace and joy when we pretend. God tells us to walk in truth - no disguises.  Romans 3:3, "Are you so foolish?  After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?"

If you are putting off calling a doctor, making an appointment to visit a counselor, visiting a friend, forgiving someone, dieting, paying your bills, joining a support group, or the biggest - SALVATION, then today is your day.  God is waiting to help you.

Father, forgive us for trying to attain our goals and desires in our own strength.  Help us to live Godly lives that gives you honor and praise.  Where we are weak, you are strong.  Lord, give us the strength and courage to work on the "hard things" that you want us to deal with and change.  Where there is fear, we exchange it for your peace and your help.

The Train - Written for Anna

You started out on the "wrong side of the tracks" - left for no use or need. You were the caboose - last in line - the forgotten  one - the least of the carts. Your exterior was rough, dry, scratched, and bruised. Markings that couldn't be explained. You had been derailed and sent to the train yard to rust. As you sat waiting alone, "The Great Conductor"  saw your potential and beauty. He commissioned another engine and his carts to give you a "lift" so that you would have a place to BELONG. You would no longer be the rusty caboose. You would soon move to the front of the line and have a place to call your own.  Your bruises would fade, your scratches would heal, and "The Great Conductor" would give you a shiny,new paint job as you found your place in line. Now, you are a cart with purpose that's securely fastened to a train that needs you. You are headed in a direction that leads you to new adventures and abundant life. Enjoy the ride!

Written for my adopted daughter (Anna) who I love dearly (to infinity and beyond and back). Praising God for bringing her into my life.

What would it take to make you STOP lying?

What would it take to get your attention to realize that lying is destroying your life?  A bad accident, losing a relationship, divorce, or jail - would that finally get your attention?

Before I started truly walking with the Lord, it was not uncommon for me to tell a "little" lie/white lie every once in a while.  I'm sure my reasoning was that I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or I was afraid of the confrontation the truth my cause.  Lying was the "quick fix" and hiding behind a lie would keep me from looking bad.

It wasn't until after I had my first child that I found myself REALLY talking to God a lot about my fears of being a new mom.  I was a scared mom who wanted to raise her son the "right way."  I knew that I didn't want my baby to grow up like me (separated from God - even though I attended church regularly).  I constantly prayed and asked God how I could be a good mommy to a child.  Slowly, He  put Godly people in my path who had a personal relationship with Him.  These people over time spoke His message to me - read the word,  pray, and confess/repent from sins.

Soooo, I started praying and reading the bible.  The one scripture that stopped me cold in my tracks was Psalm 66:8 "If I cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened."  Stop!!  Hold everything!  If I (Karla - mom of a precious baby), do not confess my sins and REPENT (stop sinning and make every effort to quit sinning) then God is going to turn a deaf ear to me?  That hit me like a ton of bricks!  I remember thinking that I would not allow the sin in my heart to remain.  If I allowed it to continue, then God would not listen to my prayers for Nicholas.  I wasn't about to forfeit prayers for my child because I couldn't get myself together.

God used Nicholas to get my attention.  The more I read His word, the more convicted I was of the sin in my life.  I knew at the time that I was not a Godly example or a role model for my son, and I desperately wanted that to change.  I didn't want someone else modeling how to live a Godly life to my son when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself with God's help.  I knew I couldn't teach anything out of the bible before I practiced it for myself.

Isaiah 59:2 "But your iniquities have separated you from God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

This was another scripture that got my attention.  I didn't want my sins to build a wall between me and the Lord.

Proverbs 12:22 (MSG) "God can't stomach liars; he loves the company of those who keep their word."

Proverbs 2:8 (MSG)  "He keeps his eye on all who live honestly and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones."

Proverbs 6:16-19 (MSG) God hates 6 things - 2 of the 6 deals with lying

Lying separates, destroys, and creates walls - your salvation depends on truth and trusting in God.

Do you hold back giving approval or encouraging words?

Sharing my mistakes with people can be difficult and embarrassing at times;  however, I've learned that when God calls me to share and I walk in obedience, His grace and mercy wash over me.  My prayer is that as I share certain things that I've learned on my walk with Christ that others will be drawn closer to Him and that they will realize just how alive and active He is in our lives.  God gets ALL the GLORY and credit.

At the beginning of 2012, God started convicting me that I was holding back compliments and encouraging words to people who I thought did not "deserve" them.  I was not even aware that this was a problem.  For the most part, I don't have a problem telling someone that he/she looks nice or highlighting a person's accomplishments.  BUT, God started showing me that I hold back in giving encouraging words if I "think" someone might not "deserve" it.

Hmmm - Well how do I determine who deserves a compliment and who does not?  That was the question I started asking myself and God. I started taking note of the times I shied away from giving a compliment vs. the times I wanted to encourage freely.  I would hold back on the people who seemed more critical, demanding, distant, or people who I "feared" would hurt me.  I was zipped up tight when it came to dishing out a word of encouragement to these types of people.  Isn't that horrible???  I was playing God and judging people.  God started showing me that a lot of my perceptions about people were wrong or miscued.

As God sweetly started revealing the funk in my heart, I was disgusted with what I saw and learned about myself.  I asked Him to help me change my way of thinking and to help me see everyone around me the way "HE" sees them.  This took time.  I started becoming more aware of my own thoughts, and when they surfaced, I would pray for His help.  Slowly over time, I started encouraging those people who I "thought" didn't deserve compliments.  As I died to my own thoughts and began to walk in obedience, God's peace started rising up inside of me in this area of my life.

Throughout this period, I was reading scripture on how thoughts and words effect who we are, BUT it wasn't until God took me to Proverbs 27:5 that I truly "got it."  Proverbs 27:5 (MSG): " A spoken reprimand is better than approval that's never expressed." Wow!!!  I read and reread this scripture a hundred times.  God says that the pain we feel from a verbal lashing is BETTER than the pain of not hearing a compliment, encouragement, or approval from someone.  After reading this scripture, my immediate thought was "but we don't know when approval is NOT expressed."  God corrected me and said "yes" there are times when you and I know that approval is being denied.  My heart sank as I thought of how I had denied a kind word/approval based on my own stupidity.

I'm sharing this because God is asking me to write about it.  I'm not sure who will read this that needs it, but if you are playing God and judging people based on your own thoughts, stop!!  Start  praying for God to help you see others like He sees them.  Let words of encouragement flow out of your mouth and let God's peace feel your hardened heart.

Do I have this down pat?  Of course not!  But, I am more aware of what God wants me to say and do vs. my selfish thoughts.

What's Flying in Your Sky?

Over the past 18 years, I've learned a lot of aviation lingo and phrases from my father-in-law who is a retired pilot.  One of the phrases that I've heard him mention time and time again over the years is a "holding pattern."  A "holding pattern" is typical for large airports. For the major hubs, a "holding pattern" is necessary to keep control of all the airplanes in the sky that are waiting to land. As a plane approaches it's destination, it must enter the "holding pattern" before it can touch down.  The airplane simply gets in line for landing.

God has given me a visual of a "holding pattern" for all of my thoughts and habits.  He is showing me that there are a few fears, doubts, and habits that I've allowed into my "holding pattern."  He is ready to help me land those things that do not give Him honor and glory.  He is showing me that there are too many "planes" flying in my sky, and He is ready to help me clear my "sky."  God IS the control tower, and HE is able to see everything.  What's amazing is when He starts showing me planes on the radar that I didn't even know were there.  Yikes!!!

Bringing down the planes that are not of God can sometimes be hard, but the peace, and joy that comes from our obedience outweighs the rough landings.  HE promises us that we will not crash and burn if we look to HIM for help and guidance.

As we get ready to celebrate New Year's, I'm eager to usher in a NEW year with less planes flying in the "sky."  New beginnings, fresh starts, and Godly redos are available for all who seek God and His forgiveness and repentance.

What does your radar look like?  Do you want to start a new year with the same "holding pattern?"  You have a choice and you are in control of what flies in your "sky."

Psalm 94:11 The Lord knows the thoughts of man;  he knows that they are futile.

Romans 8:9-10 You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.  And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.  But if Christ is in you, your body is dead of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things;  do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up;  do you not perceive it? . . .

Isaiah 58:11 The Lord will guide you always . . .

Are You in the Race?

On your mark, get set, GO!!!  This is how most people approach Christmas.  Once Thanksgiving is over, the race is on.  Everyone is running to get things down.

With four short weeks between the two holidays, how could anyone possibly add a long to-do list to his/her already busy schedule?  Decorating a tree and house, shopping for family, friends, teachers and co-workers, wrapping gifts, sending out Christmas cards, hosting/attending parties, visiting extended families, baking yummy cookies, watching Christmas movies, driving around and looking at lights, and attending Christmas programs are just a few things that take place before December 25th.  Whee!  I'm out of breath just thinking about what all takes place in such a short amount of time.  What happens when sickness or an unexpected event occurs during the race?  The pace begins to slow down to a crawl and anxious thoughts and feelings can easily fill ones mind because he/she "needs" to keep running - there isn't anytime to slow down.

Sadly, I hear so many people say that Christmas time is their least favorite holiday because of how crazy, busy things tend to get.  There is truth to that,  however, it breaks my heart to see how we (Americans) have turned Jesus' birthday into a mad dash to the finish line - forgetting the true reason for Christmas.

What's the solution?  I'm not sure, but I do know that the more time I spend with the Lord asking Him what's important and what's not - the more my eyes are open to what HE wants and there is less of Karla running around like a crazy woman trying to keep up with the Christmas race.

The verse, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) is one scripture that I have to keep close to heart throughout the year but especially throughout the Christmas season in order to stay focused on what's important.  God doesn't say to stay busy, busy, busy and try to do everything under the sun.  Instead He wants us, He wants our time, He wants our thoughts and praises.

How much of you, your time, your thoughts, and your praises have you given to Him this Christmas season?  Or have you been BUSY running the race?  He is waiting for you.